The other day was full of glee,
I even dressed my Xmas tree.
Gazed upon it for a while,
as memories grew to make me smile.
I know I went to sleep that night,
happy and content with life.
Presumed I’d feel the same next day,
but, depression doesn’t work that way.
I woke to pangs of lethargy,
its roots gripped deep inside of me.
Making me forgo the right,
to live the day with some delight.
I dwelled on all the negative,
feeling guilty that I lived,
when people worth much more than me,
had lost their lives so tragically.
The day felt dark and wintertide,
despite the sun that shone outside.
And though the sky was perfect blue,
I only saw a dismal hue.
This change in me just makes no sense,
this sudden shift in temperament.
I really wish I could explain,
why all at once I’m down again.
I’m blessed to have a decent life,
I do not starve nor face real strife.
So why, do I feel such distress
and caged inside an emptiness?
I don’t invite, I do not crave,
the tears that fall without my say.
But ask me why I’m weeping so?
I couldn’t say, I just don’t know.
It isn’t one thing, isn’t two,
it’s ALL the bad thoughts seeping through.
As if a filter in my mind,
the one that’s labelled “rationalise”,
has broken down, its fuses blown
allowing all this crap to flow.
And so I turn my hand to rhyme,
cathartic words to ease my mind.
To find perspective, help me see,
that there are some worse off than me.
But more than that, I need to share,
with all likeminded souls out there,
that if you feel all hope has gone
and have no will to carry on,
then reach out, call out, shout it loud,
don’t sit in pain beneath that cloud.
No pride should come before a fall.
Don’t feel ashamed, impart it all.
Just take my lead and let it go.
Believe me, you are NOT alone.
P. A. Davies 2020
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